Cre·scen·do: increase in loudness or intensity

Everyone has their own “that empty void” phase.

Around their early 20s or even before that, from what I heard and observed. A friend said, possibly because that’s the time when teenagers turn into adults.

Not exactly adults, actually, more like young adults.

It’s that transition in between both of the stage. Having the best and the worst of both worlds.
The time when we started to see things are not what it seems to be. Where for most of us, it's the time where we start to choose where we stand. To know what do we like or not and enjoys every small revelation that brings us to a deeper understanding of who we are.

 Yet, some falls into this, dark and cold void, during their search for the ‘self’.

The picture, the image, of this phase isn’t only ‘void’-like.

I’d like to illustrate it in another way:
Imagine a nuclear bomb, exploding inside an unbreakable, super-flexible super stretching vessel. As it explodes in an enormous blow but the vessel keep stretching and bouncing back in an endless loop, because there’s no where for the heat and pressure caused by the explosion to go out.

It gets worst and worst. You keep questioning all things. How come? Why? And again, why? And when you find the answer or possible solutions, the whole world with a smirk on its face would just say ‘Be realistic’, ‘that’s utopian’, ‘you can’t even clean your own room up, now you’re thinking to save the whole planet?’ and so on.

And there you are, sitting inside the classroom. Thinking with a fully repressed rage, how wasteful the things that they teach there. Waste, not only because you don’t like it, as you try to understand the subject it doesn’t make sense to you: isn’t relatable or says something to do with the horrific condition in the world out there. Out-dated. Unprogressive. Dogmatic.
Your mind is as crowded as the crowd in the back who’s having judgmental conversation about some guy or girl who can’t please them.

And how come no one even stand up and question what that old man is saying, you asked to yourself. You tried to make a dialogue with theoldman. Dialogues that no one understand, even the old man.
They think you’re crazy.
Not.
They just think you’re one of those ‘teacher’s pet’ who always looking for grades and look active in class.

So you’ve fallen deeper into this void.

Deeper.

You now know how fucked up the world is.

Deeper.

With all the killings.

Deeper.

The bullets.

Deeper.

The dead bodies.

Growth.

Headless father, crying children.

Incentives.

GDPs.

Bigotry.

Slogans, isms, and patriotic pride.

Deeper..

And that your happy peaceful life NOW

was made possible

and indirectly responsible for

every

single

child and mother who got raped

and their fathers with bullets in their head

on the other side of the map

And you don’t KNOW about it.

Deeper…

And there’s nothing that you can change about all that.

You stopped there.

Before you go deeper through that tunnel that seems will never end.

You choose to climb again.

With a different understanding, ways of seeing.

Neither forget nor ignore. But with that weary smile of an old white haired, you embraced it. That the world is fucked, the people are, and so are You.

Not to do nothing or only whine. You embraced the poetry inside it. You want to grasp all that beauty, the Graced, the accepting self-less smiles that are unseen because of the fog of our morbidity.

And you pray, for them who suffered. The doomed. The children. The mother. The closeted. The misfits.

To who you’re not sure. Certainly, you never pray but for only once.

To who you asked that prayers, you don’t know. But you know that you asked, to make every single breath you drew, becomes a prayer for them.

And now that you came up into a different phase, you started to worry yourself. You worry if you lose the reason to dig, to search, to ask ‘Why?’

Even though you are sure that the void is still there.

As long as there are suffering out there.

It also makes you wonder, could it be that the world is made of suffering?

And… don’t it ever came up to your mind, that:

‘The big bang looks like a cosmic teardrop that fell into the floor of empty void space of nothingness’ ?